Why I Write About Negotiation

Many people were confused when I said I wanted to write about negotiation. They asked me questions like the following—

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"Why would you want to write about something that is so uncooperative and combative?”, “Isn’t that a last-resort way of working, a necessary evil?”, “Why not write about collaboration?”, and “Are you sure this will be applicable to people?”

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The reason I write about negotiation is exactly because of questions like that. Most people think about negotiation as something you do when you want to buy a used car. In reality, negotiation is everywhere there is an opportunity to unlock value between two or more parties. You negotiate every day whether you think you’re doing it or not. Why not do it with intention and increase your chances of achieving your goals while operating in a way that feels authentic to you?  That is what I hope for anyone reading this.

I learned about negotiation through what you would probably consider ‘traditional forms’: contracts, sales terms, and purchases for technology goods and services. Many of the lessons that I learned through buying technology apply to life, and I’ll use many software examples to illustrate points that can be applied to anything you are negotiating.

But to start applying these lessons, it’s important that you have the right perspective on negotiation— that it is everywhere, and it is a tool for collaboration. For instance, take the following examples and think of them through the lens of negotiation. I would bet none of them seem combative to you and I bet you do them almost every day. At the core of these examples are two parties who each have a goal and there’s an opportunity to unlock value (in other words, it’s a negotiation).

Examples:

• Deciding between the division of chores between you and your spouse
• Resolving a scheduling conflict of a meeting at work
• Applying, interviewing, and accepting a new job
• Asking for a donation to your favorite nonprofit
• Driving a car

My challenge to you is to start to analyze your interactions with others as you go about your day and see what activities you might be able to relabel as ‘negotiation’. The more you start to see how pervasive it is, and how joyful it can be (yes, that’s right, joyful), the more you will be able to practice, learn, and find your own style.

My hope is that by rebranding negotiation, and dispelling some of the negative impressions we have about it, we can all achieve better outcomes. I truly believe this will make you more productive and happier in your work and life.