How to REALLY Read the Person Across From You

We've all been there. You're in the middle of a high-stakes negotiation and trying to determine if the other person is being truthful. You pay attention to their body language, listen to their words, but you still need help figuring out what's going on behind the scenes. For example, the person keeps scratching their head, and you're uncertain if that means they're itchy or lying. So, what do you do?

To read the other person in your negotiation, you must pay attention to behavior patterns rather than isolated actions. For example, if someone scratches their head once, they probably have an itchy head. But, if they scratch their head every time they deliver a proposal? Oh, now that's interesting. Does that mean they're lying or hiding something? Maybe! But it does tell you they're uncomfortable, and you need to ask, "why are they so uncomfortable?"

Why are they so uncomfortable...?

Reading the other person also requires active listening. An active listener is present in the conversation and pays attention to what the other person is saying and how they're saying it. Are they hesitant or stumbling over their words? These might be an indication that they're uncomfortable. But again, it's important to remember that you're looking for patterns here. For example, if the person hesitates when they propose, that's a red flag. But if they hesitate once or twice during a lengthy negotiation, it's hard to pin down why that happened. They may just be nervous.

During a negotiation, pay attention to their behavior. What patterns can you spot? When do they happen? These behaviors will give you insight into topics that make them uncomfortable. Once you identify those patterns, you can press further to understand the WHY. Why are they uncomfortable on those topics? Maybe there's more to the story...

The next time you find yourself in a negotiation, remember to pay attention to behavior patterns rather than isolated actions. And remember to listen actively! Doing these things will allow you to read the other person and determine their true intentions.