How to Read the Person Across from You

In high-stakes negotiations, reading the person sitting across from you can feel like a high-stakes game of poker. You’re watching for signs—anything that can reveal the other party's true intentions. Is that head scratch a sign of discomfort, or are they just itchy? It’s easy to misinterpret signals in the heat of the moment. So how do you effectively read the other person and get a clear picture of what’s going on?

The key is to focus on recognizing behavior patterns, practicing active listening, and paying close attention to non-verbal cues. Let’s break down how to fine-tune these skills and improve your negotiation strategy.

Focus on Behavior Patterns, Not Isolated Actions

When you're trying to read someone across the negotiation table, it’s tempting to focus on every little action. But it’s not the isolated behaviors that matter—it’s the patterns. People tend to have “tells” that they repeat when they’re uncomfortable, stressed, or not being entirely truthful.

Example: The Repeated Head Scratch
Let’s say your counterpart scratches their head once while explaining a proposal. On its own, that action doesn’t mean much—it could just be an itch. But if they scratch their head every time they present a critical point in their offer, that’s a pattern worth noting. Maybe it’s a sign of discomfort, uncertainty, or that they’re holding something back.

When you identify recurring behavior in response to certain topics, you know where to focus. It’s not about assuming every nervous tick means deception—it’s about recognizing where the person feels pressured or unsure. Once you’ve spotted a pattern, dig deeper to understand why that specific topic is causing tension.

Active Listening Is Key

Reading the other person isn’t just about their body language—it’s also about what and how they speak. Active listening is a critical skill in negotiation. You need to fully engage with what the other person is saying and how they’re saying it. This means focusing on tone, pacing, and word choice, alongside body language.

Are they speaking quickly and confidently when discussing certain aspects of the deal, but slowing down or stumbling when they bring up others? Hesitation or fumbling over words might indicate discomfort, uncertainty, or even dishonesty.

Watch for Inconsistencies in Their Story
Pay attention to shifts in the way they present their points. If they’re clear and articulate discussing one part of the negotiation but vague or less certain about another, it might indicate where they feel weakest or where there might be hidden issues. That’s your opportunity to ask more questions and explore further.

Pay Attention to Non-Verbal Cues

It’s not just about what the other person says—it’s also about how they behave while saying it. Body language can offer deep insights into a person’s emotions and mindset during a negotiation. Of course, interpreting these signals can be tricky, but once you understand the common signs, you can use them to your advantage.

Common Non-Verbal Cues to Watch For:

1. Crossed Arms: This defensive posture often indicates resistance, discomfort, or unwillingness to compromise.
2. Leaning Forward: Leaning in is typically a sign of engagement or interest. If your counterpart leans in while you’re talking, they’re likely receptive to what you’re saying.
3. Fidgeting: Repeated movements like tapping a foot, adjusting a chair, or drumming fingers can indicate nervousness or discomfort.
4. Eye Contact: Consistent eye contact usually shows confidence and openness, while avoiding eye contact might signal discomfort or dishonesty.

Keep in mind, no single action is definitive. The key is recognizing patterns over the course of the negotiation. One instance of fidgeting doesn’t mean much. However, if they fidget or avoid eye contact every time you bring up a particular topic, that’s a sign something in that area is making them uneasy.

Explore Their Discomfort

Once you’ve identified the patterns and pinpointed areas where the other party feels uneasy, don’t shy away from those topics. Instead, approach them directly but with tact.

For example, if your counterpart consistently hesitates when discussing pricing, you could say, “It seems like this price point is creating some hesitation. Is there something we can explore here to make this work better for both of us?”

This type of open-ended question allows you to probe without being confrontational, encouraging the other party to reveal more about their concerns. When you address the areas of discomfort, you get closer to understanding their true position, leading to more meaningful, transparent negotiations.

Use Strategic Questions to Dig Deeper

Once you’ve noticed behavioral patterns or discomfort around specific subjects, it’s time to dig deeper using strategic questions. Use open-ended questions that encourage your counterpart to share more about their perspective:

• “What concerns do you have about this proposal?”
• “Can you walk me through your thinking on this point?”
• “It seems like we keep returning to this issue. What’s holding us back from finding a solution?”

These kinds of questions create opportunities for the other person to reveal underlying issues. Sometimes, simply giving them space to talk more about what’s bothering them can lead to a breakthrough in negotiations.

Don’t Ignore Context

Lastly, don’t forget to consider the broader context of the negotiation. People’s behavior can be influenced by factors outside the room—company pressure, personal stakes, or time constraints, for example. If someone seems particularly tense or hesitant, these external factors might be at play. Understanding the context equips you to better read the person across from you.

Make Behavior Your Negotiation Compass

Negotiating is about more than just words—it’s about reading the subtle cues that reveal how the other person really feels. By focusing on behavior patterns, practicing active listening, and observing body language, you can gain insight into the mindset of your counterpart and use that knowledge to steer the negotiation in your favor.

Remember, it’s not about catching someone in a lie or winning a power play. It’s about understanding discomfort, addressing it directly, and crafting a deal that works for both parties. The better you become at reading the person across from you, the more effectively you can negotiate with clarity, confidence, and strategic insight.